Well this is a very personal post about faith.... I am a many year Christian and I honestly Love God and Jesus with all of my heart, I'd say (hopefully) with an unconditional love. Which is wonderful... However, once I did a serious fundamental mistake. I honestly with all of my heart have told to myself that there is no God, in any case I work super hard, I go through all difficulties by my self and I have decided that God is only a lovely imagination and in any case there was no particular help that I had ever receive. Well... I guess being a believer you can imagine that backwash... Hahahaha. Total quick smash down, as if I have lost everything that was under my feets. Everything has got changed. I mean EVERYTHING. Even me myself. I have became completely different person. No longer bright and creative, no longer healthy and happy, neither strong and powerful... None of the positivity list... Long story short, I am back with God, and I am back to His Love and into His hands. But you know what't stayed? Fear... And a lack of FAITH. I mean after I have commen back to Jesus I am not really believing that things can come back good again. I mean I believe mentally, sort of... But I trully know that it is not in my spirit. I am easier with an I idea that better to obey God and just be where I am, silenti dreaming for a better times, in stead of really acting, walking step by step towards my dreams... Being so brave in my youth, I can not believe that in reality I am so paralised with a lot of fears. Of course you can say "why so negative", "oh another looser". Nop I know that I am not, of course! But here is the important stage where in stead of pretanding that everything is Okey, I should really be true to myself and say the facts just as they are... I mean you can not cope with a problem pretending that there are no problem at all... And my problem is, and I want to make it public: "I can not belive that Jesus really can arrange everything for me". These are words that I have recieved in my prayer. And I absolutely agree with that. I know but do I really belive in it? Do I act accordingly? Like lets say that I know that sigarets are distroying my life... (Hypothetically, I never tryed a single cigarette!) And what? Does a person stops smoking? No, not really... Therefore here is the logical conclusion that believe is an act, and just like a person gave up sigarettes, we believers have to gave up our unbelieve, lack of faith and fears... Isn't it? What do you think, guys? It is a meaning that fear and a lack of faith is actually a bad habit just like a smoking or any other tipical bad habit. Do you see the point? I guess here it is a fact that we have to make a first step and a first move to stop. And every time we are attampted to fear and worry it is just like a will to take a new sigarette. Lets use me as an example: I run my own fashion store and things to be honest are going BAD. I always dreamed about my own business. But I obviously never dreamed about that kind of situation. I mean it's been 3 years I earn nothing and getting more na dimore in a debt. And all I know is that I have to work and work and work and work. Work more. This is logical, isn't it?! But I do overwork, always, constantly. No matter where I work. Due to that I have no energy to enjoy my life and do other things, apart from reading the Bible in the night and maybe worry? Now I have started to have a very serious pain in my whole digestion system. What's next? My point is I have to learn to trust God and not only trusting but also REALLY believing that there can be miracles. I mean real changes. And it needs to be a real acting step by step process. It needs to be a day by day activity of trusting to people and to Jesus that he will provide the solution to the problem. Now I do even hesitate, am I in the right place? Am I doing what I meant to do? If I am where I am right now, it is exactly the place where I should be. BUT I have to exersise in trusting God that he can help me out, and I do not have to work myself so horribly much. Why do I write this all to you? First of all I want you to be a witness of my confession and promise! To exersice in my faith and really belive that God CAN solve all my problems. Secondly to let you know that maybe you are actually doing alright comparing to me, or perhaps you are not alone with this problem. Thirdly if you are just not sure either God does exist and you hesitate about Him. I have to say! HE is with you, even if you are not with him! And the worst day with God is much better than the best day without God. And just to underline. Constant worry and fear is an additino which needs to be inspected and notified and cured accordingly.
As it is a personal blog and not a psychology Christian website, please note that I simply trying to share what's in the corner of my eye! ;) xxx Liza